Are you wearing a fancy mask of 'I am okay'?
“Day by Day everything was trying to knock me down, but all I did was - Refuse and just Refuse.” — Kajal Soni
“How are you?” - “I am okay!”
It makes me wonder why ‘I am okay’ or ‘I am good’ is the instant response every time someone asks how we are.
We kind of just say it without even giving it any thought and trust me — like myself, and possibly with a lot of you too, at some point in life, this answer becomes quite frustrating. And like most of us, that was precisely was my answer also. As if like, its ‘the’ easiest answer ever and from the day we are born, we just merely get conditioned to answer this way throughout our lives.
It was in 2015 when my own answer started bothering me the most. My marriage broke down leaving me into pieces, and everything in my life just changed shape with the hardest jerk ever. All the illusions and all that cloudy bubble, full of fairy-tale colours — everything was vanishing slowly and slowly. Strangely enough, as life always is, it was just happening right there, and life is so funny that all you can do it is just see it happening but not do anything to avoid it/stop it.
NOTHING is at a rescue.
Day by day people kept calling to ask me that ‘three-word’ question ‘how are you’ and to each, without fail my answer was ‘I am okay’ with a full stop. But in actual experience, there were numerous times when, No, I wasn’t okay. It was as if I became like an antique style-broken record which has no idea about the non-stop repeat button it is on.
I have to admit, at one point, I was so frustrated with my own answer that I started searching within myself that what is it that doesn’t let me be real? Why can’t I say that this is not the way I am? And one day, Boom. There hits the dynamite in my head when I saw how things started to change around me. And mind you, the change was not for any good — it just made things even worse.
How I realised that ‘I am okay’ was not an ‘okay’ answer?
Finally, to give me the answer to my biggest ever question, something actually knocked my head down when I suddenly started realising how people around me became more of a pain than being my supporters. I had experiences where they were just plain inconsiderate of the tough situation life had put me into. Small things, like- not being able to make a call to a friend, or not being able to attend social gatherings, would make people think I am being selfish. I lost even more friends. Everything was failing, and I kept on wondering every day what is it that I am doing wrong?
According to me, I wasn’t being selfish. All I wanted was some time alone where I could just heal myself. Being surrounded by the crowd was not for me because I didn’t feel like wearing a ‘HAPPY MASK’ to please people when in reality, a lot was going on inside me. During my constant practice and hours of meditation, at one stage, I got my answer. My soul knocked at the door and said — it is all because of ‘YOU’.
Now that was New!
Like most of us, who do not want to be seen as the culprit, I was the same. More than anything, even when we know the problem is within us, we are in denial for days, months, years or perhaps even a whole lifetime. I finally understood why it was ‘me’? Because I was the one who was constantly acknowledging that yes ‘I am okay’. Why then all this time I expected anyone should understand?
Why will they think that I might be just needing some space in my life? Why then will they acknowledge that there is more to my life than listening to someone’s most unwanted speech when all I need is my own time to heal? And why would we expect them to know that we may even silently need help?
It was not them, it was me! A hard reality always hits you a hard way.
It’s easier to blame others and shake it off your shoulders and say I am the best person living on this planet but suddenly when you realise that you were the one who wrote your story your way, trust me — it does kind of knock you down.
Things changed the day I started to change. I realised before I expect respect and dignity from others, I needed to start loving myself first. And there began my ‘Self-Love’ journey.
Suddenly, you will start to feel so complete the very moment you begin to be real and authentic- not just to others but to yourself too. Life doesn’t feel like a burden. Yes, some people might not like you being that way, but it’s okay. Those who are meant to stay in your life will always remain in your life, and the others will have to go as the time come.
It made me wonder, is it the Society, or a fear of being addressed as a ‘Sad’ person, or the fear of showing your real side? What stops us to be REAL?
What is our fear? Maybe the conditioning we had from birth, or, the society? I don’t know. But whatever it is, that is not in question. What is in question is that -Do you love yourself? Are you being real to yourself? Or are you just trying to escape from your own reality? Can we just love our own self and let the world think what they want to think?
And if the answer is no to any of this, then you know you are failing. You know the perspective has to be changed. You know there is a need to shift the focus.
Making the right shift
Shifting is bringing the focus back from the external to the internal. Withdrawing and seeking inwards to see what is it that need adjustments.
The adjustments can be minor or major, but they are life-changing. They can make lives beautiful. Whose lives? No, I am not talking about other people’s lives, I am talking about the life of that person who is ‘THE’ most important to your life. What’s your answer? Not anyone else, but that person is YOU.
Be real and authentic to yourself
The day you start to be real to yourself, the others will automatically know — you don’t worry about that. Our minds are conditioned to look after the society and behave in ways considered to be appropriate by them. The moment you design your life your own way - nope, it’s not acceptable. Suddenly you are the odd one out. It’s a glitch in the society. But you- don’t give up. Don’t let anyone be in your way of being the real you as you are. Not everyone has to like you and it's okay. Everyone is on a different journey. Once you realise that, this will be an easy acceptance for you to have.Once you are real to yourself, you will automatically connect with others with more honesty
This is an automatic outcome of being real. Slowly, you will realise how you will not be bothered to wear that fancy mask of ‘I am Okay’anymore just to please people. You will stop caring if others will negatively judge you. That’s when the real magic starts. All the burdens in your mind will slowly begin to fade, and you will start feeling lighter and lighter in your own self.
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My take on life? Just be YOU. Stop pleasing others. Look after yourself and those who are important in your life. Learn to respond in the real and the most authentic way. The days you are not okay, teach yourself to say NO. The reality and the truthfulness will change you most magically. You will feel blessed within yourself, and your magic will automatically spread. You won’t need to make any effort.
“No effort will be needed from the day you know yourself”. — Kajal Soni.
WRITTEN BY:
Kajal Soni
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